Looking at the stars.

I had dinner Sunday with Elle's family. Her brother is coming home from Boston in a couple of weeks. They are really close and he was good friends with H a few years ago. It will be good to see him, and hear what he has to say about living on the East coast. It's been my dream to go there and see what it's like. He's a good guy anyway.H cut his arm really good on Friday repairing a fence at work. His arm was sliced right open and down nearly to the bone. He has big arms and the sight of it made my mom go a little weak. Then she just got angry at why they sent him home instead of taking him to the hospital to get looked after. She took him herself and apparently gave lead hand an earful when she got home. I never heard it though, I was already at work. My mom gets worked up about things. Is that all mothers?

I saw Elle last night too. She had this really sexy pink top on. It was really tight and I wondered how she got out of the house with it on. She likes me to drive her to this vacant lot that one of the farms use for bailed hay and we go in and park cause it's off a back access road no one uses really. We can turn off the head lights and sit in total complete darkness and just look at the stars. It's too cold now to get out, but when we first started going out, I would take her out there and we'd sit for hours on the hood of the car just looking at stars.

We do that now, but from the inside. We sit and listen to music and we make out a little bit. I can tell things are starting to get away from me a little bit. She's wanting more and sort of urging me to explore more with her. She got a bit frustrated with me last night. She takes my hands and puts them on her body and she sort of pulls me to be on top of her. I couldn't even mention to her that she wants to wait til she's married. I thought she might slap me or something. But I told her that I didn't want it to be like that. Her first time shouldn't be in the back seat of my car. She got a bit annoyed with me and pushed me away. She asked me what was the matter- if something was wrong with her. She knows I'm not a virgin- so something must be wrong with her. I felt like crap. I would be with her in a heartbeat. I'm gonna end it with Sara. I'm going to end it as soon as possible cause whatever is going on in Elle's mind isn't good. And I want to be totally free of Sara if Elle and I do decide to go all the way. Of course I want to be with her. I'd be crazy not to.