Surprise. H was right about a lot of things.

I showed up at Erin’s last night, unannounced. She was really surprised to see me at her door after school. Her sister let me in and we sat in the kitchen for a few minutes alone. I asked her if we were okay about Friday night. That she wasn’t upset about it happening and that I was sorry if I was a bit of a jerk, it was the alcohol. She was really nice to me. Really nervous around me. I told her she could sit with me and my friends on the Parkway at lunch sometime, if she wanted, when she got back to school. She seemed surprised that I asked her. Not that she would want to sit with a bunch of jocks and their stuck up girlfriends, but I thought it would be nice to invite her instead of shun her, since the whole school knew what was happening with us anyway. I mean I know guys that sleep with girls, then run around telling everyone that will listen and totally doing a flip on the girl. Being rude, ignoring them or flat out being nasty. And I'm not that kind of guy at all. Even if no one knew it, I wasn't going to turn the cold shoulder to her. She didn't deserve that.

GEEZE… my Dad just left my room. My hands are trembling, my nerves are shot, my heartrate is irratic and I need a shower from sweating profusely.

He came in and asked if he could talk to me for a few minutes. He asked me how things were going and if I was okay. He said I wasn’t a little boy anymore and he knows I’m busy, and doesn’t get to talk to me like he used to.
He said he wanted to talk to me about sex.

I about fell off my chair when he said that. He wasn’t nerve racked, or beating around the bush either. He just looked me in the eye and came out and said it. He asked if I was having sex with Elle. I told him no.

He asked if I was sexually active at all, and I couldn’t even lie to him. I was afraid he already knew like H said. He asked if I was being safe and I said yes at first, then he asked again-
Am I being safe every single time without question and just looked at me.

He said I was mature for my age, but that I was still only young. He said sex was a big responsibility. Then he tried to come up with a few examples of what sex was like, but settled on telling me it was like bungee jumping. It’s fun and thrilling, and for the most part things go smoothly, but when things do go wrong-and they do- it’s catastrophic, it can change, ruin or take your life.

He mentioned all the diseases I could get, cause a girl to get pregnant and destroy my self respect, and a girl’s self esteem if she isn’t ready either. I let him talk without blurting out that I already knew it from Sex-ed. I mean I go to public school and although we’re Catholic, they do teach it to everyone. Disease, pregnancy, safe sex, emotional stress, all of it. But he was on a roll, so I didn’t want to upset it.

He asked me if I’d been tested. I haven’t. The idea of it, was scarier in my mind than admitting I was having sex at all. He said he "could not stress enough" how important it is to be emotionally ready for a sexual relationship- just because it was meant for marriage, and it’s such a big responsibility and that I was responsible for "the girl’s welfare too- it’s not all about me".

That I may finish sex with a girl and for me, it’s finished when we are done, but in her mind, it’s not over and she may have a lot of "deep emotional attachment to me", simply because of the bond I make with her when it happens. I wondered if that’s why Sara still wants to see me??? It’s not like we had any kind of relationship. Then I started to think about Erin.

Then he said that it wasn’t what he and mom had taught us. It’s a sin. He could only ask that I abstain, I still can even though I have already been doing it. But if I don’t, to promise him one thing...

That I use a condom each and every time without fail.

I promised I would...

But he made me say it word for word back to him. He asked if I would let him take me into the city to get tested. (I couldn’t say no really, I don’t think he was giving me the option. It was a courtesy request.)

He then told me he loves me and that his door is always open, I can always get him on the phone, I can always talk to him. At the first sign of anything wrong, to please talk to him and he’ll do his best and whatever it is, I don’t have to face anything alone.

I hope I’m like my dad when I get older.
To say the right things about a touchy subject and not go overboard…
If you ever read this, Dad...
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